found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize