worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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