i barfeds in our rink
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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