i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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