i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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