i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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