My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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