i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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