you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
