Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
