Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
