After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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