my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize