his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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