i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
