If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just want nice things and good sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
