When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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