i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
