Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
