May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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