I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
