ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
