Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
