I hate your face
kristin has been a bad kristin
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
