Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
