: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
