The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
