i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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