He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
