My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
