Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize