"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
