well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
