i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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