i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
