i just google imaged poop.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
