the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
