that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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