I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
