Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
