I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize