I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
