Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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