Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize