I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
