I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
