im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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