I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
try to milk me bitch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize