Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
