Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
