and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
