Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Randomize
