I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize