So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
