Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
