So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
