I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
either way he was missing a nipple.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
