I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
