I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
