I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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