Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
