You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
