he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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