i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Randomize
