when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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