mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
