Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
