At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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