Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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