Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
