So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
