Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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