I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
