So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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