even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
then he tried to convert me to islam
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
