I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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