Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
