And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
