I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize