Im at strip club and am horny
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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