We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
