dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
