I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Panties = found
Randomize
