blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
false alarm, still single
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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