If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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