I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
