thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
