sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
