I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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