Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
