Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Randomize
