I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Semen is not good for contacts.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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