Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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