help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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