so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
handjob tips. give me some.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
