Slut skills are useful in every country.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
