I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
