ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize