Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
