do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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