I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
