I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
