love makes seman taste better
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
