This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
