you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
