Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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