Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
BRING THE BAGELS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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