I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
