We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
