Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
