i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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