Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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