I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
