i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
