you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
