Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
