Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
