Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
